


all flowers in time bend towards the sun

by dearly



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Intergalactic Road Trip, Post-TLJ, Sacred Jedi Texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 04:03:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17093675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearly/pseuds/dearly
Summary: After months without contact, the force bond opens, but Ben is lost in the galaxy.





	all flowers in time bend towards the sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SithishJedi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SithishJedi/gifts).



> Prompt: “It’s been three months since Crait and the force-bond is triggered by Rey’s sadness. She had just realized she couldn’t read the Jedi texts.”
> 
>  _All flowers in time bend towards the sun_  
>  _I know you say that there's no one for you_  
>  _But here is one ___  
> -[Jeff Buckley & Elizabeth Fraser](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnPvnIKCJYA)
> 
> "Touch has a memory." – John Keats
> 
> Thank you to jitterygummy for the beta!

 

In some ways, it’s not that different from life on Jakku. The long days spent performing a series of mindless tasks while waiting for something else entirely to happen—it feels all too familiar. Thankfully, she doesn’t need to scavenge anymore to survive, and she’s surrounded by other people, _friends_ even, working to secure the galaxy’s future, and yet all the work has begun to feel more like a distraction than her primary focus.

Though they’re grounded on Ryloth for the time being, Rey still goes aboard the docked Falcon and takes advantage of the silent cockpit when she needs a moment alone. The Resistance numbers have tripled in recent weeks as they’ve travelled from world to world adding crew from Leia’s network of allies, and it’s been increasingly difficult to get a moment’s peace anywhere on base. Even the hangar now is bustling with activity, as mechanics and techs fuel up ships and make repairs in preparation for their next departure, ready for a moment's notice. Slumping into the pilot’s seat with a sigh, she watches the crews work and lets her thoughts drift. 

The last few days she’s felt strangely unsettled without being able to pinpoint it to a specific reason. Nothing about her circumstances had changed—the repetitive days had all but blurred into one long stretch of time—but there’s a creeping sense of apprehension that has her set on edge. Now that she’d had a taste of action, this new routine as a crew member of the Resistance, the daily grind, makes her feel almost confined—a thought that fills her with guilt, considering what they'd given her.

But it isn’t just that. Something else lurks deeper, something unfinished—a loose end.

When that unease returns now, she rises from the seat before it’s able to settle in her gut and wanders through the Falcon in search of a distraction.

The shiny surfaces gleam after all the care and attention she’s given the ship since taking the helm. If anything feels like home now, it’s this ship, and she’s poured her heart into it.

Crossing through to the communal area on her way to the galley, her eyes land on a spot underneath one of the bunks across from the dejarik table, an area which she'd avoided cleaning. Today, she finds herself drawn to it.

Kneeling by the edge of the bunk, she stares at the drawer that hasn’t been opened in months, the one that she’s pretty sure only Finn had discovered after his offhand comment to Rose about _'some old books'_ one day as they were wandering through the market stalls in Resdin. At the time, Rey had decided not to mention that they were actually ancient sacred texts that she'd stolen since it would lead to questions she didn't want to answer, and instead she'd let the subject drop.

Though she only feels slightly guilty about taking the books from Luke—at the time it had felt more like _rescuing_ them, at least that’s what she’d told herself then and even more now since he’s gone and unable to guard them himself—she mainly regrets bringing the texts onboard. She thought about them often and what secrets they might contain or lessons they might offer, but so far she'd resisted the urge to satisfy her curiosity. Even so, their presence on the Falcon served as a reminder of a former hope that had since dimmed.

The hope in what they are doing, in rebuilding the Resistance into something that could once again challenge the First Order, still burns strong. She still believes in their mission and has never regretted joining the cause, no matter what else had been offered to her.

But the hope she’d once had in Ben Solo, the man who had offered her a galaxy, that was a different story. How foolish she thinks herself now, assuming that she could bring him home with a little encouragement, that it would be so simple.

 _Still_ , she thinks even now, remembering. _Still…_

 

 

***

 

 

**_then, the hut_**

 

He is warm. 

The sensation is startling, though not for the obvious reason that they are touching despite currently being separated by light years. No, it’s surprising to Rey because in their brief acquaintance she’s come to associate the man with ice, not fire. Kylo Ren was cold like the snows of Starkiller Base or the gleaming surface of durasteel in a star destroyer holding cell.

The warmth of Ben Solo’s touch, whose frigid façade had thawed with each of their interactions, shouldn’t have surprised her. _And yet._

It’s such a simple act—an offer of a hand, an invitation of friendship, the removal of a glove, an acceptance—and yet how deeply it shakes her to her core.

So gently the skin of his fingertips press onto hers making an imprint, as though her skin is cataloguing every ridge, every valley, _every fiber of his being_. The boundary between them dissolving completely, joined as they are now.

Her eyes flick up in surprise meeting his in their measured astonishment. The edges of his face have softened in the flickering firelight. This glow mixed with the tears rimming his lower lids makes him look younger, giving her a glimpse of a Ben Solo she wishes to know. A Ben Solo whose heart had not turned, who still had hope.

 _He is still here_ , she realizes.

After emerging from the cave, cold and damp and exhausted from a dissatisfying lack of answers, her whole body had flooded with relief at the sight of the glowing hut on the dark hillside. She knew from the pull in the Force that Ben was waiting for her. The sight of him sitting by the fire was a balm to her weary soul. Like an old friend, he’d listened without interruption as she spilled out her heart to him, telling him secrets she’d never before spoken out loud.

Thunder roars overhead as the winds pick up, but they barely notice, cocooned in their hut, safe and protected from this storm and all others currently raging in the galaxy. She wants to grasp both of his hands in hers and hold onto this bit of calm for as long as she could.

But like all good things she’s ever known, the moment is over as soon as it’d begun as Luke destroys the hut and thus the bond between them.

_This isn’t going to go the way you think._

White hot anger blinds her as she stalks away from Luke, once again drenched and alone. Her mind is a fury with one thought clear: she wants off this island immediately.

Grabbing the few possessions she’d brought on the trip and the saber that Luke had rejected, she barks orders to Chewie to prepare the ship for takeoff when her scavenger instincts are triggered upon remembering something else that needed saving.

Marching back up the hill, an arduous climb made even more difficult in the downpour, she heads straight for the old uneti tree. Inside the quiet, musty shelter, she takes a moment to catch her breath, before shoving the old Jedi texts into her bag and returning to the Falcon.

Once the books are safely stowed away, they’re off.

Luke Skywalker might think his nephew’s heart is turned forever, but Rey has seen otherwise. If he wants to stew away on this rainy island and wait to die, that’s his choice, but she’s not going to just sit around and wait for things to play out.

She is going to Ben.

She is going to bring him home.

 

 

***

 

  

**_then, the Supremacy_**

 

The sight of him standing before her, practically above her, just _inches_ away that she can almost hear his breathing, is so startling that it takes a moment before she registers the stormtroopers standing close by. One of them shifts with obvious discomfort as the silence stretches on.

The Force pulsates with energy when they’re together, even more than their last encounter, which she assumes is due to the bond they now share. She could feel it grow stronger the closer the escape pod drifted towards the massive dreadnought, and now it hums like a live wire, just waiting for a spark to ignite.

She knows he feels it too, so it’s hard not to be disappointed when Ben suddenly turns and walks off and the stormtroopers fasten her wrists with binders. But really, how else did she expect to be greeted? With open arms? Whatever their connection, she’s in enemy territory now and Ben is under just as much surveillance as she is.

But still, she expected… not _this_.

He stays silent as he leads her through the winding maze of the ship. First Order officers and crew do double-takes as they pass and she wonders just what exactly has been said about her. _The girl I’ve heard so much about,_ she remembers Ben saying when they’d first met in the Takodanan forest.

When they’re finally alone in the lift, she takes her first chance.

 _Ben,_ she says to the man she’d only days before called a monster. Blinking his eyes in surprise, his expression is blank, almost dazed, but also completely devoid of any of its former bitterness. When he speaks, his low voice is calm and even.

There’s something resolved in his demeanor as he finishes speaking and Rey’s not sure she trusts that it’s a good thing. The fact that they’ve just shared completely different visions of their futures gives her further pause.

She doesn’t get to question him though.

As the lift door opens revealing a vast red room lined with armored guards and a solitary creature sitting on a throne, her stomach drops. They're waiting for her.

_This isn’t going to go the way you think._

 

 

***

 

 

**_then, the throne room_**

 

His hand extends to her, gloved and trembling.

This is not the vision that she’d had in that firelit hut. This is not what she wanted, for either of them.

It’s all wrong.

He’d killed Snoke, saved her life, fought beside her; he’d made those decisions, but it wasn’t enough.

The draperies burn around them, turning to ashes that fall like rain. Bodies of red armor lie scattered about. It’s the scene of a victory, but it doesn’t feel like one.

 _Please_ , he says.

She reaches her hand out, tempted only for the chance to hold his hand once more. But she will not forsake her friends for that desire.

Instead she calls the saber to her, igniting another battle between them that neither wants, nor is willing to give up, until it breaks in a brilliant bright flash that knocks them both off their feet.

When she wakes with a pounding headache and lungs burning from the smoke, Ben still lies slumped on his side across the room, breathing but unconscious.

Grabbing the broken saber, she stands over him as a thought briefly crosses her mind.

Then she thinks of Luke, of what that brief moment of doubt had cost him.

She will not make that same mistake.

_This isn’t going to go the way you think._

The future is undecided, that much has been made clear to her. Ben still has the chance to choose the right path, but he’s going to have to make that decision on his own.

Knowing that it’s only a matter of time before they are discovered, she leaves without looking back and hurries off to save her friends.

 

 

***

 

 

**_then, Crait_**

 

When the last of the Resistance is safely aboard the Falcon, there’s a blast of cold wind that blows up through the ramp and she sees him again, kneeling on the rocky cliff, his bowed head turning upward to meet hers. 

So Snoke had lied, at least partially, about the bond between them. Even if he had created their connection in the Force, it had transformed into something that was strong enough to exist after his death. She’s frustrated at the rush of emotions this realization gives her.

She’s angry at Ben for putting them in this mess. She’s angry at herself for being so naïve. She doesn’t want to share this moment with him now.

But he looks so pathetic hunched on the ground, the regret in his eyes all too obvious.

_You’re not alone._

_Neither are you._

He made his choice and now he'll have to live with it. They both will.

She presses the button to close the door and the bond severs.

That last vision of him haunts her as the rest of the crew celebrate their escape with hugs and sharing stories of their fallen comrades. It haunts her as she idles away long hours in the cockpit with Chewie, whose questioning growls she ignores. It haunts her as she shares knowing looks with Leia, who carries on with her role as general with solemn dignity despite the aching she must feel for those she has lost.

It haunts her in every waking moment as she waits for a bond to open that never does. 

 

 

***

 

 

As the memories fade away, she tugs on the handle of the drawer and stares at the books nestled inside, unread and untouched since she’d placed them there months before. With an index finger, she traces one of the spines feeling each dip in the deep grooves of the ancient symbols carved in the binding.

She grabs a book at random and settles in the bunk, flipping it open in her lap. Its weight is substantial though the pages are delicate. Carefully, she turns the thin sheets and searches the darkly inked words and symbols for anything recognizable. There are a few symbols that she’s seen before, though the language is unknown to her.

If she ever wants to understand the Jedi history, she’s going to need a translator. Luke’s absence hits her with an extra stab of pain.

There’s a sudden jolt in the atmosphere that forces her to steady herself on the edge of the bunk and when she looks up he’s sitting beside her.

“Ben.” It comes out as an exhale.

It’s such a shock to see him after all these months that it takes her a minute to remember that he’s not actually there, at least not physically. Though if she were to touch him…

“I—” He fumbles for words, just as surprised as she. “After all this time, I didn’t think—”

“I didn’t either,” she says, feeling her pulse slowly return to its normal rhythm.

As he searches her face, she notices ashy smudges on his cheeks which are sunken, the bones protruding. His eyes are rimmed red and bloodshot with dark circles shadowed beneath, as though he hasn’t slept in days. His hair, a bit longer than usual, hangs limply at the sides of his face. He’s dressed in dark underclothes that are torn and dirty. 

Something’s happened. Something’s wrong.

“Ben, where are you?”

He blinks in response, as though the question doesn’t make sense. She repeats it.

“I—” He shakes his head, looking disoriented. “It’s been…” He presses a hand to his forehead and squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t know. I just left and now—”

“You left? The First Order?”

“Yes.” He opens his eyes and nods, looking relieved to have an answer to a question. “I couldn’t take it anymore—I never wanted any of it—so I took a ship and I…I can’t remember.”

She grabs his hands and squeezes, summoning all her strength to reach out to him in the Force. He’s cold, alarmingly so. She squeezes harder. “Think, Ben. What happened next? Where did you go?”

He looks down at their joined hands, mouth open in amazement. “I wanted to find you, to tell you I was sorry, but I couldn’t see you anymore. You weren’t—you weren’t there.”

He lets out a shaky breath that nearly sucks the life out of her.

Then a memory strikes him.

“I thought I’d gotten far enough away from their trackers, but they cornered me. There were too many of them – I couldn’t fight them all off. They knocked out the shield generator and the wing took a hit and I just started falling…” His brow furrows as he remembers and he starts to drift off. “The last thing I remember is the clouds and the blue sky and how peaceful it would be.”

Biting back a stab of pain, she tries another approach. “Describe your surroundings. Tell me what you see. We can narrow it down from there.”

He blinks mechanically, but obeys and turns his head to survey the scene around him. He describes a vast desert with virtually no signs of life. A few hubba gourds found in a nearby crater is all the sustenance he’s had. His ship had crashed into a dune which had softened the impact and, from what Rey gathered, was likely the only reason he’s still alive. He doesn’t know how many days he’s been there and he hasn’t seen another creature in that time.

The longer he speaks, the harder it is for him to focus and Rey starts to worry that he’ll use up all his energy.

“Are you safe right now?” she asks.

“Yes. There’s bad sand storms here but I’ve been able to take shelter in the wreckage.”

“Ok. Go there and get some rest. _Ben,_ I’m coming for you, but right now I need you to save your energy since I don’t know how long it will be. Will you do that?”

Silent for a moment, he runs a thumb lazily over the back of her hand. “I was wrong, Rey, about everything. I never wanted to rule. I never...forgive me. Please.”

She shushes him. “We’ll talk about it later. Right now: sleep.”

He gives a weak smile and nods. Gradually the bond fades and his hands disappear from her grasp. It takes everything within her not to lie back on the bunk and let the despair consume her.

Looking down she sees the book still in her lap. _Luke_.

She closes her eyes, focuses, and soon his voice is in her head.

_Rey, reach out in the Force. He’s there waiting for you. Find him._

_What if I’m strong enough,_ she whispers.

 _Find him. He’s there. Reach out,_ it echoes.

So, for the first time in months, she channels every ounce of concentration into the Force. She feels the energy flow within her, around her. _Light, dark. Life, death_. It surrounds her. She connects herself to it, feeling its reach far beyond the atmosphere of the planet into the darkness of space. She visualizes Ben and searches for his pull in the Force. Straining with the effort, she finally feels a pulsating beam of light draw her in. _Ben_.

 _Rey_. It's him. His voice is weak, barely audible. She feels the stiffness in his bones, the aching in his muscles, the sorrow in his heart.

“I’m coming.”

With the help of the Falcon’s navigation system, she’s able to pinpoint his exact location: the edge of a deserted valley on the nearby Outer Rim planet of Tatooine. 

 

 

***

 

 

Leia tries to get her to take Chewie or Threepio along, but Rey, not knowing how long she will be gone and not desiring to take away additional resources from the Resistance, decides to make the trip alone. 

Since the Falcon is too conspicuous for such an undercover operation, she borrows a small freighter from the Twi’leks in exchange for promising to do some general maintenance on the ship while aboard. It seems they're impressed with how she's restored the Falcon. Han Solo's reputation for recklessness must have been widely spread across the galaxy.

For now, the rest of the Resistance is only told that Rey is headed out on a scouting mission with no mention of Ben or where she is going. Hacked First Order messages have revealed the chasm in the First Order’s hierarchy, but the departure of Supreme Leader Ren has not yet leaked and Rey is grateful to be leaving before it becomes public knowledge.

Leia, her sole confidant, sees her off alone in the dead of night. Right before Rey boards, Leia breaks from her normal steady composure and grasps both of Rey’s hands, a hint of concern in her eyes that fades into a warm smile. “Take as long as you need. I feel you two have much to discuss.”

She presses a glowing beacon in Rey’s palm, the same one she’d given her months earlier. “And when you’re ready, come find us.”

Rey wraps her arms around the older woman, wanting so desperately to give her words of hope, while also wanting to avoid making a promise she can’t keep.

“I’ll find him, Leia” is all she can offer for the time being.

But for now, as Leia dips her head in appreciation with a final goodbye, it is enough.

 

 

***

 

 

Rather than flying directly to Tatooine, she is forced to take an alternate route through an asteroid field after picking up chatter about a possible First Order presence near Arkanis. It takes her a day longer than she’d intended and by the time she makes it to Ben, he’s so weak from dehydration that he can barely stand long enough to get up the ramp and into the ship. 

She’s thankful to discover that Leia had left a med droid onboard because Ben’s in even worse condition than she’d expected with three broken ribs, a concussion, and large burn marks caked with blood on his back resulting from the flying debris during the crash. Though when she sees the wreckage, it’s a wonder that he isn’t any worse off. Or dead.

It takes days of IV fluids, bacta patches, and rest before he’s able to sit up for any length time and even then, Rey urges him not to speak until he recovers more of his strength. After several more days of rest and hydration, the superficial wounds have healed significantly and the symptoms of his concussion, the dizziness and confusion, also improve.

Knowing that she’d probably have downtime, Rey had brought the Jedi texts with her and while Ben rests, she delves further into her study after discovering that one of the books had a sort of index that explain the meanings of some of the symbols.

One day as she sits in the cockpit with one of the texts spread out in her lap, she hears the door unlatch behind her and Ben appears in the doorway.

He’s a bit bleary-eyed and exhausted from the exercise, but the color has returned to his cheeks and the fact that he’s standing without assistance shows how much he’s improved.

She starts to admonish him out of habit, but he waves off her worry.

“I’m feeling better and frankly it’s getting a bit cramped on that bunk.”

He sits in the co-pilot seat, unsuccessfully hiding a groan as he stretches out his legs, and perks up when he sees what has been holding her interest.

“Can you understand these?” he asks, nodding at the stack of books next to her.

“Not really, but I’ve made a little bit of progress in the last few days.”

“May I?” he asks. She hands him the book.

He flips through the pages, as though searching for a particular passage.

“ _We are part of an energy larger than ourselves, and we play roles in a cosmic fabric that outstrip our incarnate understanding_ ,” he reads, pausing with his finger on the page.

“You know I remember being so angry when I read these books.” He sighs and lets the volume fall to his lap. “I was just so angry at everything back then: my parents, Luke, the other kids. I had Snoke’s voice in my head, and I let it poison everything. I didn’t understand what I was supposed to do.”

“How could you?” she replies, softly. “It was too much for anyone to endure, much less a child.”

He shakes his head. “No. I could have resisted, but I was weak. I gave into it. I let him control me— _use_ me. I thought I would be free, but I just went from serving one master to another. He only wanted me for my power and my lineage. When I realized what was happening, it was too late to go back so I just convinced myself I was doing the right thing. For years, I lied to myself.” He looks up and holds her gaze. “Then I met you, and I started to question everything all over again. It scared me.” The last three words are spoken in a whisper. Rey shivers.

“It’s never too late, Ben. Your mother has never stopped loving you.”

He lets out a shuddering breath. “I don’t even know how to begin to make things right.”

“You take it one day at a time. You start by being a better person with each choice you make. You make one and then another and you keep going.”

“Will you help me, Rey?”

“I’m here for you, Ben. I’ve been waiting for you.”

This time when he offers his hand she takes it. Threading her fingers through his, they hold hands watching as the two suns set and the stars peek through the cobalt night sky.

 

 

***

 

  

They don’t leave their desert camp until their depleted supplies force them to seek out a town.

Not wanting to draw attention to themselves in the small trading villages of the planet, they instead opt for the long journey to Coruscant where they easily blend in with the crowds of Galactic City.

With her meager credits, Rey procures them a modest hotel room, but the addition of a bathtub after a week in the desert makes it feel like a luxury suite. They take long turns soaking in the warm water and washing off the layers of sand from their skin and hair.

They share the single bed, at first leaving a wide gap between them, but when Rey wakes in the morning, they are joined in the center with Ben’s arm wrapped around her waist.

She loves to watch him sleep, the only state at which he truly seems at peace. As he recovers, she hopes to one day see the same contentment in his waking hours.

During the long hours of downtime, Ben helps her translate the Jedi texts until she’s almost able to read long sections on her own.

When they tire of the busy city, they stock up on supplies and depart without an appointed destination. They travel from planet to planet, city to city, never lingering anywhere long enough to draw attention, but never hurrying either.

They go to Tython and Jedha and wander through Jedi history.

They go to Naboo, Corellia, and Chandrila and retrace the steps of Ben’s past and those of his ancestors.

They go to Ahch-To and Rey reflects on her time with Luke, showing Ben the ruined hut where’d they first touched hands.

On the beach one night as they watch the waves crash onto the shore, Ben lowers his head to hers and kisses her, a gentle kiss that quickly ignites with the months of pent up passion they’ve both been holding onto.

The next morning when she wakes with his warm body curled around her, she is greeted with a string of kisses down her neck and shoulders.

“Rey, take me home,” he whispers against her skin.

She rolls over to face him and he wraps his arms around her, hugging her closer.

“You’re ready?”

He kisses her forehead. “I’m ready.”

 

 

*** 

 

 

As the ship drifts above the clouds in preparation for their jump to lightspeed, Rey catches sight of the twin suns setting over the horizon and once again thinks of Luke.

With a glance at Ben next to her, she pulls on the lever to activate the hyperdrive and feels once again what she’d sensed in former teacher, but this time in her own soul—

peace and purpose.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love two (2) book nerds.
> 
> The passage Ben reads comes from _The Jedi Path_ by Daniel Wallace.
> 
> This prompt was right up my alley and I had a lot of fun with it! Please let me know what you think!!


End file.
